Out of the Blue

Sleepovers, youth camp, duets, choir cantatas, these are only a few of the memories from growing up in Detroit with my best friend Sandi. We both sang well and were just beginning to find our way in the area of music in high school. She had an older sister, Joy, who (I think) intimidated us both because she had already made a place for herself and was widely recognized for her beautiful voice. Sandi was far more confident than I, but I suspect some of that was bravado that I wasn’t wise enough, yet, to recognize. She had lost her mother already, too, and her relationship with her father was much more mature than my own. I remember very conflicting emotions of awe, competition, envy, and affection. Then my dad accepted a job offer in California and dragged me kicking and screaming all the way across the U.S.

The next time I saw Sandi was when I was pregnant with Emily. I’d lost several pregnancies already, but was quite secure in the successful end of this one. Out of the blue, I heard from Sandi, saying that she was in town and wanted to visit. When she arrived, she had a photo album full of pictures of the child she had just carried to term and lost in the first few weeks. Her whole life was still consumed by the grief she was both wallowing in and trying to crawl her way out of. I didn’t hear from her again.

Twenty-nine years later, I sent a friend request on Facebook to old friends with whom I’d sung in college out here on the west coast. Joylin and Jeff had pastored a church for 30 years and were now “retired” and working a regular job. When Joylin accepted my friend request, I happily sent her a short here’s-what’s-happened-in-the-last-30-years note, then took a quick look through her friends list to see if there were any other old friends in there. Imagine my surprise when I saw Sandi’s name!

I eagerly clicked on her icon and was overjoyed to see that she allowed friends-of-friends to look at her pictures. I clicked on old pictures of when she and Joy were little kids with goofy hairdos and clothes that were all too familiar to me! I have pictures with those same hairdos and old-fashioned clothes! Then I clicked on more recent pictures and felt my eyes sting with tears as I saw beautiful children, now grown, standing by her and her husband. All of these years, I’ve been so afraid that the last view I had of her had remained her only reality. But I see that she’s had all of the wonderful breadth of experience that comes with having children...all of the stinky diapers, hilarious sayings, bumps and scrapes, teenage angst, and tearful passages into adulthood that come with that marvelous thing called parenthood.

I sent her a friend request, of course, and I haven't heard from her yet - but I know I will, and I'm looking forward, so much, to reconnecting with my old friend. Today's been a good day, but the most beautiful thing was finding an old friend out of the blue and knowing she was whole.